“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, oh Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands.” Psalm 138:8
The house was finally quiet. Everyone was either at work or summer camp and I had the whole house to myself. I had been craving some much-needed alone time with the Lord and now was my chance. A few hours stretched out before me and I planned on using all of it to read, study, journal, pray and just be still.
During my time in the word that day, I read Psalm 138. Just before reading it, I had been asking God: What is my purpose? What plan do you have for me? What is it you’re wanting me to do?–(Am I the only one that seems to wrestle with these questions?) While I didn’t get any audible answers, I got one from His Word shortly after sharing my heart and it came in the verse above…in particular the word WILL. The Lord WILL (emphasis added) fulfill his purpose for me… I must have read and re-read that phrase 10-15 times…just letting it sink down into my very being.
Fast forward to the present. I haven’t written anything here for a couple of months now…and even in this moment, I’m struggling to find my voice; to get my hands to move effortlessly across the keys, like in previous posts, where the words just seemed to come without even trying.
I had a close friend call me a few weeks back with an urgency in her voice. She said that the Lord had told her to tell me that I needed to start writing. That’s it…write. I asked if He also happened to tell her what it was I was supposed to write about and, of course, the answer was no. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, there was a check in my spirit letting me know her message was real and I needed to listen. So I prayed, asking for clarity on what it was He was wanting me to say and I was met with silence, until a few days ago, when I came across a passage in Isaiah 45 (NLT):
What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ (v 9)
This is what the Lord says–the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: “Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands? I am the one who made the earth and created people to live in it. With my hands I stretched out the heavens. All the stars are at my command…” (v 11-12)
You see, I’ve been angry at God…for a while. I’ve been angry at this new season of brokenness. Angry at the people and circumstances involved and angry at Him for allowing it all…forgetting that I wasn’t the creator. I wasn’t the one shaping me or the others…
I had dared to challenge Him and even accuse Him of making a mistake…that what was happening and the hurt that it was causing wasn’t part of the plan, my plan, and He didn’t get the memo. I just knew He was wrong…dead wrong! I didn’t realize how angry I was at Him until I came across this passage and it leaped off the page at me. I was shattered, people I loved were shattered, and the life I was living currently was shattered.
As I read this, it was as if God was now challenging ME…asking me pointedly, “Who do you think I am? Have you forgotten your place? Have you forgotten that I am The Potter and you are simply the pot that is shaped by MY hands?
Did it ever occur to you that I had to SHATTER what was in order to make NEW things come to life?
The life your loved ones were living is now their OLD life and I am doing a new work that requires a new pot. Who are you to question that? I created everything you see including You. Your Girl. And Him. And Them. I am the one who tells the ocean to come only thus far and no farther. I am the one who set the stars in place and makes the sun rise and set every day. And I am in control of what seems, to you, very much out of control…there is nothing about any of this that surprises Me.”
Tears…so many tears…I HAD forgotten my place. I HAD forgotten how BIG He was…and how very small and finite my thoughts were in comparison to His. He sees the whole picture and I don’t. I also realized that I had to be broken, as well, in order to see more clearly. In order to remember what He showed me last July…that He WILL fulfill His purpose for me. But not just me…for my loved ones, and for all others involved. He will waste nothing and use everything for His purpose in my life, their lives, and in the lives He wants to impact through us because of the road we’ve traveled. And I needed to step out-of-the-way and allow Him to do what only The Potter can do…take what’s broken and make something new…